Thursday, October 21, 2004

losing the power of s p e e c h

I’ve been noticing (again) that I seem to be losing the power of speech. I don’t know exactly why this is, but I just seem to be having more and more difficultly stringing a sentence together. I don’t think I’ve ever been a great "talker", I seem to manage more eloquence and coherence when I write things down (not that I’m claiming to be a great writer), but things are definitely getting worse.
Or meaningful comments to make.

Perhaps my brain doesn’t work fast enough to sustain conversation, it needs the space of an empty margin to work ideas through. Perhaps there’s something about the physical presence of another person that stops it expressing all those ideas which seem too complex to explain, or sound too ridiculous when spoken, but somehow come alive when on the page. Perhaps I’ve just been in a strange mood, but unaware of it. Perhaps I’m really vain and only want to comment on my own ideas and not join the conversations of others. Perhaps it’s my memory not acting properly and forgetting previous conversations and time, thus putting me off-balance with the nagging thought that there’s something I want to ask about...

That’s a lot of perhaps.


Blogger paulhd said...

Could be worse, you could be like me and talk at length about sod all. Personally I've always admired people who don't feel the need to witter on about nothing.

21/10/04 11:44 pm  
Blogger paul said...

well, i wouldn't say "don't feel the need"... more that i just don't feel capable of holding a conversation (see this evenings stupid customer rant), although i am generally quite happy sitting quietly, i do worry when i start a conversation and it's like i'm waking up: i remember what i'm supposed to be talking/asking/replying about during the conversation instead of starting the conversation because of it.

case in point - i read and reply to your blog, but most days at work i can't remember what i read or how i replied to it, although it's obvious to me if i subsequently go online. perhaps a split personality, perhaps a lack of brain at work? again the perhaps.

22/10/04 12:35 am  

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