Thursday, February 17, 2005

what's going on today?

Life choices. What to do? I'm trying to choose a phd but it feels like such a lottery. There are so many parameters to try and balance up: interest, scope, type of work involved, supervisor, calibre of the research group... etc. How to decide on the next three years? I suppose, if nothing else, at least any of the options is a decision on the next few years, unlike the last three years which have been pretty much left to fate. Not wasted, but not quite as intended either.

Ended up spending ages fiddling with a new hard disk for my PC today. Like a tortured metaphor it sent my head spinning over all these options... all I wanted to do was increase my disk space, but to maximise my new drive I'll probably need to get a newer version of windows as my current pirated copy won't accept the required updates. I don't have the time to do this right now, although I do seem to have found the time required to fiddle for long enough to work out that this solution is the required one. How is it that there is so much potential, but the solution is always obtuse and difficult? Why is it that every day seems ripe with possibility but is, invariably, wasted before you realise?

I'm forever doomed to worry that all the ideas I keep having can never be explored, then further put off by the realisation that the exploration is probably pointless in the end anyway. As is the corollary of non-exploration. I want to explore the miniature, the texture of life, the how and why of this place and these things. On the other hand I just want it all to work nicely, without hitch and hassle.


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